Tempting Survivor
by dih2006
Summary: This is my on-going parody of Survivor and Temptation Island which involves me and some of my friends!
1. Default Chapter

Tempting Survivor  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Fourteen people, two tribes, one winner. The goal; to outsmart and outplay all of your opponents and to survive three months in the wilderness of the Afghan desert outside of Kabul.  
  
(Written in first person)  
  
After we were dropped off by the planes, we were informed that it was about a three hour hike to our base. We were given a compass and a map and reminded that the faster we get there, the more time we get to setup before nightfall. We arrive at about noon and decide that our first task was to search for water. We all split up and search different places. After two hours of searching we return and to our dismay the only person that found water was Mel and she said it was in some tin drums in a cave a couple of miles away. Well, Dusty, Rob, Joe and I set out to return with them. We only managed to bring back three barrels of water, which was about enough to last a couple of weeks. Our next task was to set up shelter. Somehow (no one is quit sure), Joe managed to fashion a large and luxurious house simply out of sand and some rope (his luxury item.) By now it was dark and we all settled down to bed. We awoke the next morning to Caroline shouting "Their gone! Their gone!" After some inquisition, we realized that Dusty and Rach had disappeared. We soon found them asleep on top of each other in the closet. We woke them and asked them what they were doing and they both tried to explain that they are chronic sleep walkers, although no one believed them. Since we were all so hungry this didn't really disturb anyone. We thought about how we could possibly get some food. Several suggested fishing, but there are no fish in the desert. Then Dusty chirped in with the bright idea "I'll use my corgi!" Receiving some puzzled looks, he promptly explained that he had brought a corgi which he had trained to hunt. He released the corgi, which promptly returned with some unidentifiable meat which was devoured without any questions asked. We soon set about the day's work which consisted of…… uh….. well, in Afghanistan there really isn't that much to do so we…… uh…… just sat around. Caroline and Rob took a hike into the mountains. Mel and I played tic-tac-toe in the sand. And Dusty and Rach disappeared back into the closet. That afternoon was the first immunity challenge. The teams had to vote one couple to go into a kissing contest. The couple that could kiss the longest would win their tribe immunity from the first tribal council. Our team chose Dusty and Rach because they had been practicing all day and the other team chose Sean but since he didn't have a girlfriend, he had to kiss himself. It was a long and grueling contest but in the end, after seven hours and fourteen minutes, Dusty and Rach won. Our team celebrated immunity and was given an added gift of blow up dolls for our amusement. We took our dolls home and played with them all night long. When the outcome of the opposing team's tribal council meeting had been announced, the first person voted out was Sean, because, as Clay said, "as much as he loves himself, he should have been able to win that!" This was the end of the second night. And then there were thirteen……. 


	2. Chapter 2

On the dawn of day three, we all awoke with a new sense of life (the inflatable dolls really helped too.) That day, the tribe and I decided to go on a camel ride through the mountains. Well, we set off on the camels, and spend hours riding through the mountains. On one certain pass around a cliff, we ran into a group of, what we thought at the time was, thieves. The began shouting at us in some language none of us spoke so we gave them our money and the girls gave there personal items, and we thought we would soon be on our way. We were wrong. When the girls took off their bras to hand them over, the guys threw them on the ground jumping up and down and screaming "Allah!" We were drug from the camels into a cave like the one we had found our water in the first day. Yet this cave was different. It had electricity, but not only that, it had satellite TV and computers with internet. We thought we had really lucked out but they weren't for us. We were drug to a dark back room and a boulder was rolled in front of the door. When the guards had left, Rob stood up and shouted "DAMN IT!" Caroline was pissed (since it was dark we had to guess by the noise she made.) Obviously the guards heard Rob's "naughty word" and started heading back. They rolled the boulder away, hauled Rob off with Caroline screaming holding onto his ankles. They rolled the boulder back and then it was just me, Mel, Joe, Rach, and dusty. Dusty and Rach cowered together to keep each other warm and calm (it is a cave.) A couple of hours later, the boulder was again moved away, and walking towards down the hall was Rob. Oddly though, he was walking funny. Joey took this as his cue to stand up and proclaim to the world "ROB GOT ANAL-PROBED!" We all tried to suppress the laughter because there behind him was none other than Osama Bin Laden himself and he had Caroline in chains carrying a bucket used to feed camels. Rob was thrown back in and once again the boulder was put back in place. That night, we hatched up a plan to escape. When we awoke the next morning, we put our plan into action. It started by Dusty and Rach faking…… uh……. "naughty" noises. The got two guards to roll the boulder away. Joey and I then pounced taking these two out of action. We miraculously made it to the door when Rob realized we were forgetting Caroline. But Dusty used his quick wit and hatched up a plan. He leaned out the door and made this whisteling motion with his lips (he later explained was a high pitched whistle that only animals can here.) Within ten minutes, Dusty's corgi was in the cave wagging his tail and lick our feet. Dusty bends over and whispers something in the corgi's ear. It runs off and we hear some camels neighing (or whatever camels do) and several Afghan curse words. We went to see what was going on and there was Osama Bin Laden who had apparently been getting it on with a camel at the time of the dog attack. In one corner of a room was a cage and in it was Caroline. We rescued her and headed back to camp. When we arrived there it was still early enough to make it to the next Immunity Challenge. We headed down to the lake where we were told that this challenge involved eating. We were surprised to find out that it didn't involve animals or exotic food. We had to eat……………………………………………………………………………………………..(added for drama)…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Chicken nuggets. A sigh of relief came from the other team as everyone glanced towards Clay. However, our team was screwed and we all knew it. We deliberated (big word for argued) for a while and finally all agreed on Rob. The contest began, at first Rob was in the lead but by the 314th chicken nugget, Rob was slowing down. It finally ended at 672 chicken nuggets for Clay. Rob had actually quit at about five hundred but Clay kept eating. Well, that night we arrived at tribal council. One member's fate had already been sealed. Then the long awaited moment arrived, the reading of the votes. Unanimously it was Joe that would be kicked from the tribe tonight. We all somberly returned to camp where the happy couples made out for a couple of hours, we exchanged stories of the days encounters and then retired to bed. And then there were 12………. 


End file.
